I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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