I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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