I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
