Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Let's get the cat blown out
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
