i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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