ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
