His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
