I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
