i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
