I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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