haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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