heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize