You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
