Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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