Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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