I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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