Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
