You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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