cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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