just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
