i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
