I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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