1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Your dad touched me again.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
