margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
