fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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