obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
