it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
