im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
