Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
His nipple licking is glorious
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