I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
How external is "for external use only"?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
