Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
