it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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