We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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