I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
