My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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