Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
