i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
