no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
