I got chris browned last night
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
This is the high leading the old right now
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
