I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
