I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
