I showed him my bush... on skype.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
