I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
