i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
