singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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