This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
