Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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