and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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