I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
