Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
