i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
