Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
