She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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