Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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