She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
