I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
