you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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