Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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