The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
God I need to hump something, right now.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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