So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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