Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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