Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
