i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
