he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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