don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
