why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
