Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
