I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
where are my eyebrows?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
