worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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