I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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