I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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