At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
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I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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