I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
