I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
