While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
