I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
