brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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